The adoption process has a funny way of making you think about things you’ve never thought about before. How do you decide what boxes to check on an adoption application? Are you prepared for the challenges that come with adopting a child from another race? What about a child born with a disability. What is and isn’t on your checklist?
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This is another post I’ve been nervous about—mostly because I thought it would be hard to reveal my own shortcomings and lack of faith, but also by doing so, not offend anyone. Every person has their own story and while this might not be yours at this moment, I believe the lesson still applies to many.
We walked into our adoption orientation with a piece of paperwork the agency had given us that outlined the “checklist” of what we would and wouldn’t be able to accept in a birthmother and a baby. We went through a huge list of every possible “difficulty/situation.” We really felt like we had done a good job of being somewhat open, but also practical for our lifestyle.
We all have checklists, right? When I was in highschool I was encouraged to make a checklist of what I wanted in a spouse. I remember writing down every physical description of what I wanted: talk, dark, handsome, right?! I mean I was specific too: straight white teeth, strong jaw line, and the darker the eyes the better. Now, I’ve heard stories of women who say God gave them every single thing on their list. I prayed for a man like that, and believed that God would complete my check list.
God did not give me everything on my list—He gave me someone FAR better than that silly list I made years ago. And I adore his very blue eyes!
When it was time for college, I made another check list. I wanted a place I could study writing, play basketball, and meet the man of my dreams. The place that was perfect for me didn’t have a basketball team at the time, and I didn’t meet Mark at that college. But I made some of my closest lifetime friends, and found God’s call on my life to teach. I wouldn’t change my decision to go there for anything!
Mark and I decided to move from a ministry we adored to find a full time position for Mark in ministry, so we created a checklist again. Top priority: a place as close to either side of the family as possible.
We love the place God has brought us now, but Texas is 10.5 hours from both of our families (which is not an easy, quick trip). So for all these decisions in my life, I think about what would have happened if I had insisted that my checklist be complete before I moved forward “in faith.”
Now, I understand the premise behind praying for God to give you the desires of your heart. So some might disagree with what I’m about to say, but if I’m being honest, I don’t think this checklist system is how God works. We don’t bring our list of pre-reqs to God and say “Give me all these things, and I’ll be happy and content and fulfilled in this life.” We follow God in trust and by faith, believing He knows what’s best for us. God places the right things in our life FIRST, and then our finite humanity recognizes it was the best thing for our own joy and fulfillment.
With our “open-but-practical” checklist in hand, we attended orientation. While there, the subject of race was brought up, and we had a very real-life discussion of the impact of race on a family. But a statement that a lady made, who had been adopted herself and was currently fostering a child from another race, struck my heart in a way that completely changed my outlook on our adoption. She said this: “You say you trust God, but do you trust God enough to let Him bring you the baby that HE wants to be in your family?”
I feel like my “checklist” of what I wanted in a child showed my lack of faith in God, and my narrow-minded view of what I wanted my life to look like—a pretty Christmas card family, where our girls looked like me and our boys looked like Mark. Here’s the reality: God could have allowed us to get pregnant, and gave us a baby with any number of challenges that would have tried our faith and changed our idea of what a family “should” look like. But it wouldn’t have changed the way we loved that child. In fact, it might have showed us a new way of opening our hearts in love.
We walked out of that orientation and felt a tug on our hearts to change our checklist. You see, this journey of adoption is not about us getting a blonde-hair, blue-eyed, perfect baby to fit our expectation of our family picture. This is about us giving a baby—one that God brings us—a family, a home, love, and a faith that he or she might not have had otherwise.
I know that we haven’t met our baby yet, and we don’t know what God has waiting for us at the other end of a soon-to-come phone call from our case worker. But I have to imagine down the road a few years where we have a bundle of energy, and our hearts are bursting at the seams with love and a sense of unworthiness to have this kind of grace in our lives (with all the sleeplesss nights, and moments of parental insanity that comes with having a toddler). And I have to believe that he or she will be a bigger blessing to us than any challenging characteristic on that checklist.
Psalms 37:4-5 “Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.” The word “commit” has the idea of “rolling up onto.” The same word is used as “casting” in 1 Peter 5: 7, “Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.” It has the idea of giving it to someone else. We aren’t meant to carry the burden of our future by ourselves; we can roll it onto God’s Almighty shoulders, because He is a much better guardian of our hopes and dreams. He knows what will bring us joy and fulfillment in this life, and He longs to bring it to pass.
So who has the pen to the checklist of your life, you or God?
Hannah Walters